Wow. Over a month since the last entry. It's been a challenging few weeks. Had a sledding accident the beginning of January. Wan't hurt too bad, but bad enough I coudln't do a whole lot for a month or so. Manged to keep the house clean, nad buy groceries, and that was about it. I do't do well if I don't get out all the time, so it was rough. Then just as I was getting better, I came down with a flu bug.

Now, I'm finally back to normal for me, and getting out lots. And, now that I'm walking lots, my back is hurting a lot of the time. It doesn't like walking, apparently. So sometime in the next couple weeks, I"m finally gonna get it checked out. I've been having problems for years now. I kow it's not gonna be good news, and there won't be anythign that can be dione, but it'd be nice to finally know what's up.

I finally joined a gym. So, I'm hoping I can find other ways to exercise that are easier on my back.

I have Rachel wait-listed for 2 parent child preschool programs at the school she will be attending for kindergarten. So I am really hoping and praying she gets in to at least one of them. I'm dreading kindergarten, because since I was homeschooled, I have no idea how to handle having a child in school. I was taught that teachers were against ap[rents, the other kids were mean. All kinds of stuff like that. Just the thought of a parent teache interview almost gives me a panic attack. So, I'm hoping once I see the school, it will allay some anxiety.

I'm still debating whether to look for a church. I'm thinking of checking out one of the Baptist churches. I'd like Rachel to go to Sunday School, but I also want to be sure on what God wants me to do. And I just don't know. I hate the idea of going to a church, making friends and all, and then realizing for whatever reason, it's time to move on. I don't wanna lose more friends. Leaving a church is HARD. I've done it twice now. People I thought were my friends have never called to see how I'm doing, or ask why I left. So, I just don't know whther I'm not being led to attend church right now, or if I"m jsut not ready, or I"m just scared or????

I do know God is still working in my life, and will continue to. So I am trying to not worry so much, and just wait on God. Easier said than done for sure.

At least weekends are getting easier now. I"ve mostly stopped censoring what I say. So I will mention to SDA friends and family if I am doing laundry or something on Saturday. Or taking my kid to library story time, running errands or whatever. And other than my parents, I'm not hiding this blog from anyone. What's tough is I think my SDA friends and fmaily think I just got tired of rules, and am not a Christian anymore. That could not be further form the truth. And worst of all, I think some think it'd be better if I did abandon God. Because I don't believe the way they do. And that makes me sad. I've been there. I know what it's like trying to be perfect, believing you have to be to go to Heaven, and knowing you aren't perfect. It's an awful way to live. But you ca't really admit that, not even to yourself, because that would be wrong too.

Anyow, I think my kidlet is actually asleep, so I may just head to bed early. Or watch TV for a bit first.

I'm gonna try to keep up with this blog better. Altho next entry will likely be boring everyday stuff, and nothing too deep. I"m not up to post like this very often.

Worship & Kenny Rogers

So I've been feeling rather "lost" on weekends, without church. I'td been a big part of my live for most of the last 34 years. ANd I didn't feel led to find a new church, but how to worship? How to fill my weekends?

Well, I've discovered you can worship outside of church, you just have to think outside the box. You can owrship God by tlaking to a firend on the phone, ro in person, about God. You can worship jsut by enjoying the time you spend with friends and family. Reading your child a Bible story.

This really started to click for me when I went to Kenny Rogers concert with my friend Donna. The second half of the concert was xmas songs, and I think it was during "Mary did You Know". The song, (all the Christian carols actually) had so much meaning. It just gave me such a feeling of awe, wonder, I couldn't even speak. Donna leaned over and whispered "now this is worship!" And no, it wasn't Kenny Rogers we were worshipping at that moment.

I would never have thought I would experience God at a Kenny Rogers concert. So since then, I've been finding worship in lots of little and big ways. Winter beauty. Sitting down with bumbleberry pie and chai tea and thinking how God has blessed in my life. Enjoying the wonder of Chirstmas as seen through my child's eyes. Praying. Prayer journalling. Playing the piano. Listening to music.

God is an amazing, wonderful, awesome God, and He wants our worship and praise all the time- not just at church, and not just in conventional ways!

Chai latte &time with God.

So this is one of those weekends when it would be too easy to just stay busy with family stuff and forget to listen to God.

I have a birthday thing for my mom to go to tonight, with pretty much my whole former church group. I am hoping it goes well.

I took Rachel to storytime at the library this morning, and checked out some more videos and books for her. So, had some famly time.

Then it was home to do laundry, do some cleaning.

After the last sentence, I headed to the laundry and got the last load of towels from the dryer. Folded and put them away, talked to my dad, finshed handwashing a dress and skirt, and even got some praying/thinking in. All in about 10 minutes.

I was hoping to prayer journal before heading to my parents, but not enough time now. I'm still sorting out how to spend Saturdays now that I no longer go to church. I still think it should be my time with God, and also just having fun with my daughter. So yeah, guess I should've done laundry yesterday.

So I'm taking the girl child out to pay in the yard, then heading off to my parents.