Wow. Over a month since the last entry. It's been a challenging few weeks. Had a sledding accident the beginning of January. Wan't hurt too bad, but bad enough I coudln't do a whole lot for a month or so. Manged to keep the house clean, nad buy groceries, and that was about it. I do't do well if I don't get out all the time, so it was rough. Then just as I was getting better, I came down with a flu bug.

Now, I'm finally back to normal for me, and getting out lots. And, now that I'm walking lots, my back is hurting a lot of the time. It doesn't like walking, apparently. So sometime in the next couple weeks, I"m finally gonna get it checked out. I've been having problems for years now. I kow it's not gonna be good news, and there won't be anythign that can be dione, but it'd be nice to finally know what's up.

I finally joined a gym. So, I'm hoping I can find other ways to exercise that are easier on my back.

I have Rachel wait-listed for 2 parent child preschool programs at the school she will be attending for kindergarten. So I am really hoping and praying she gets in to at least one of them. I'm dreading kindergarten, because since I was homeschooled, I have no idea how to handle having a child in school. I was taught that teachers were against ap[rents, the other kids were mean. All kinds of stuff like that. Just the thought of a parent teache interview almost gives me a panic attack. So, I'm hoping once I see the school, it will allay some anxiety.

I'm still debating whether to look for a church. I'm thinking of checking out one of the Baptist churches. I'd like Rachel to go to Sunday School, but I also want to be sure on what God wants me to do. And I just don't know. I hate the idea of going to a church, making friends and all, and then realizing for whatever reason, it's time to move on. I don't wanna lose more friends. Leaving a church is HARD. I've done it twice now. People I thought were my friends have never called to see how I'm doing, or ask why I left. So, I just don't know whther I'm not being led to attend church right now, or if I"m jsut not ready, or I"m just scared or????

I do know God is still working in my life, and will continue to. So I am trying to not worry so much, and just wait on God. Easier said than done for sure.

At least weekends are getting easier now. I"ve mostly stopped censoring what I say. So I will mention to SDA friends and family if I am doing laundry or something on Saturday. Or taking my kid to library story time, running errands or whatever. And other than my parents, I'm not hiding this blog from anyone. What's tough is I think my SDA friends and fmaily think I just got tired of rules, and am not a Christian anymore. That could not be further form the truth. And worst of all, I think some think it'd be better if I did abandon God. Because I don't believe the way they do. And that makes me sad. I've been there. I know what it's like trying to be perfect, believing you have to be to go to Heaven, and knowing you aren't perfect. It's an awful way to live. But you ca't really admit that, not even to yourself, because that would be wrong too.

Anyow, I think my kidlet is actually asleep, so I may just head to bed early. Or watch TV for a bit first.

I'm gonna try to keep up with this blog better. Altho next entry will likely be boring everyday stuff, and nothing too deep. I"m not up to post like this very often.