Everyday Life

Well, we are fianlly ,hopefully,settling into routine here. I work 3 mornings a week,now,in the childcare room at a gym.

The other days,I run errands,and take Rachel to drop in activities as I can. On Saturday mornings i hve her in ballet. There is othing cuter than5-6 little ballerinas. She is LOVING it. I am so glad i put her in it. I think it will be so good for her. I like the other parents. We ostlysit and tlk ,watch our girls,drink coffee. Soemtimes I knit.

Oh yes. I've taken up knitting again. I just find it so....calming. Back in June,I read this novel called Divas Don't Knit, and it inspired me. Within days I went out and bought about $70 of yrn and stuff....I've made 2 purses,3 scarves (one for small stuffed aimal,though) 2 dishcloths,and I am still working on another scarf,a blanket for said stuffed animal,and another dish cloth. And I promised Rachel's ittle friend Bella I'd make her a purse too. Someday,I may attempt to make something that isn't retangular!

I've been triyng to read more..right now I am reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. It's quite interesting.

It's only Tuesday evening,and already,I am ready for the weekend. Monday was crazy. Took Rachel to strongstart. Then,I took her swiming. As we were leaving there centre fter swimming (I had some errands to run) I noticed kids palying in the gym. Yep,the Little Rascals drop in was just starting. So ,I left Rachel there to play for 2 hours well I did my stuff. Well,was Rachel ever tired when we finally got home around 3:30. She fell asleep on tehcouch. The about 4:30,I got a cll form co-worker saying she was ill,could I come in. Of course, so I woke up Rachel,and off to work til 7:45. then work the next morning. Then to A & W for lunch,and after that I went ot the drop in clinic as my ear was still hurting. Rachel had a rough eveing. She is so tired poor thing.

I had planned to take her to strong start tomorrow morning,then to library storytime,and then I have to work wenesday night too. it's just too much,though. we'll sleep in,maybe do library storytime,and of course work.

So,hopefully,tomorrow will be more relaxing.

A little Angry

Yeah,I'ts been long timesince I updated.

I don't knowif I mentioned it here,but when I left the sda church,I said in my resignation letter that I did not want phone calls or visits convincing me to change my mind. I thought it was obvious this was directed at the church board and pastor,as well,the letter was adressed to them.


Nope,turns out they took it to the whole church one Saturday....people i love and miss thought I didn't want them to contact me,and had no idea why I left. (Guess they didn't share THAT part of the letter?

I just feel sick about it...so not my intention. I foudn this out from 2 people..one freind who knew me well enough to know I hadn't intended for her to find out tht way..and another lady who just felt awful thinking I didn't want anything to do with people from the church. She saw me in a store once an didn't come up to me for that reason. Then she saw me again a couple days ago,ad deided to say hi whether I liked it or not...She is going to tell anyone she speaks to at church that I did NOT mean no personal calls or visits.

I jut hate that I hurt people..even thoguhit was so not my intention.

And now I am "leaving" another church. I attended a local baptist church for awhile. Now,,,it's just not where God wants me anymore,ut oce again,i am trying to expain that without hurting anyone.


it's...not personal. I just think the whole corporate worship thing is so messed up. I don't think it's what God wanted. I wanted churh to be another way to worship God....but it felt like He wasn't there. it was just..so empty,like going thru the motions,rather than being real.

Real is..a woman from the church spontaneously praying for me when I talked about some family issues. It's...God telling me out of no where that a good friend needs prayers. It's a good friend calling right hwen I needed to talk,because God told her to. It's my daughter dancing to prasie videos on you tube. Watching her calm down and fall asleep after praying for God to keep her safe,after a bad dream. I could go on..this is just how I live. Worship can happen anytime,anywhere.

God is my life,yanno? it's not just Sunday morning. Prayer isnt just a a part of my life..we are to "pray without ceasing".

That was on issue i had with the Baptist church The last Sunday I was there,the pastor preached on prayer. he said a lot of people think prayer is mostly personal with corporate aspect. he says it's actually the opposite..it is corporate witha personal aspect.


But ,I'm sad as, I REALLY liked the people. Rachel loved Sunday school.

I don't know how to explain any of this without hurting anyone,or coming across as judgmental.

They think they did somethig rong,so i do need to explain..I kowGod will give me the words...Still scared to make the call.

Wow. Over a month since the last entry. It's been a challenging few weeks. Had a sledding accident the beginning of January. Wan't hurt too bad, but bad enough I coudln't do a whole lot for a month or so. Manged to keep the house clean, nad buy groceries, and that was about it. I do't do well if I don't get out all the time, so it was rough. Then just as I was getting better, I came down with a flu bug.

Now, I'm finally back to normal for me, and getting out lots. And, now that I'm walking lots, my back is hurting a lot of the time. It doesn't like walking, apparently. So sometime in the next couple weeks, I"m finally gonna get it checked out. I've been having problems for years now. I kow it's not gonna be good news, and there won't be anythign that can be dione, but it'd be nice to finally know what's up.

I finally joined a gym. So, I'm hoping I can find other ways to exercise that are easier on my back.

I have Rachel wait-listed for 2 parent child preschool programs at the school she will be attending for kindergarten. So I am really hoping and praying she gets in to at least one of them. I'm dreading kindergarten, because since I was homeschooled, I have no idea how to handle having a child in school. I was taught that teachers were against ap[rents, the other kids were mean. All kinds of stuff like that. Just the thought of a parent teache interview almost gives me a panic attack. So, I'm hoping once I see the school, it will allay some anxiety.

I'm still debating whether to look for a church. I'm thinking of checking out one of the Baptist churches. I'd like Rachel to go to Sunday School, but I also want to be sure on what God wants me to do. And I just don't know. I hate the idea of going to a church, making friends and all, and then realizing for whatever reason, it's time to move on. I don't wanna lose more friends. Leaving a church is HARD. I've done it twice now. People I thought were my friends have never called to see how I'm doing, or ask why I left. So, I just don't know whther I'm not being led to attend church right now, or if I"m jsut not ready, or I"m just scared or????

I do know God is still working in my life, and will continue to. So I am trying to not worry so much, and just wait on God. Easier said than done for sure.

At least weekends are getting easier now. I"ve mostly stopped censoring what I say. So I will mention to SDA friends and family if I am doing laundry or something on Saturday. Or taking my kid to library story time, running errands or whatever. And other than my parents, I'm not hiding this blog from anyone. What's tough is I think my SDA friends and fmaily think I just got tired of rules, and am not a Christian anymore. That could not be further form the truth. And worst of all, I think some think it'd be better if I did abandon God. Because I don't believe the way they do. And that makes me sad. I've been there. I know what it's like trying to be perfect, believing you have to be to go to Heaven, and knowing you aren't perfect. It's an awful way to live. But you ca't really admit that, not even to yourself, because that would be wrong too.

Anyow, I think my kidlet is actually asleep, so I may just head to bed early. Or watch TV for a bit first.

I'm gonna try to keep up with this blog better. Altho next entry will likely be boring everyday stuff, and nothing too deep. I"m not up to post like this very often.

Worship & Kenny Rogers

So I've been feeling rather "lost" on weekends, without church. I'td been a big part of my live for most of the last 34 years. ANd I didn't feel led to find a new church, but how to worship? How to fill my weekends?

Well, I've discovered you can worship outside of church, you just have to think outside the box. You can owrship God by tlaking to a firend on the phone, ro in person, about God. You can worship jsut by enjoying the time you spend with friends and family. Reading your child a Bible story.

This really started to click for me when I went to Kenny Rogers concert with my friend Donna. The second half of the concert was xmas songs, and I think it was during "Mary did You Know". The song, (all the Christian carols actually) had so much meaning. It just gave me such a feeling of awe, wonder, I couldn't even speak. Donna leaned over and whispered "now this is worship!" And no, it wasn't Kenny Rogers we were worshipping at that moment.

I would never have thought I would experience God at a Kenny Rogers concert. So since then, I've been finding worship in lots of little and big ways. Winter beauty. Sitting down with bumbleberry pie and chai tea and thinking how God has blessed in my life. Enjoying the wonder of Chirstmas as seen through my child's eyes. Praying. Prayer journalling. Playing the piano. Listening to music.

God is an amazing, wonderful, awesome God, and He wants our worship and praise all the time- not just at church, and not just in conventional ways!